just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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