god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize