He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
