capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
