I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drake has all the answers
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
