1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
there is puke in my bra ... again
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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