I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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