i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
