We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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