So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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