we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
