i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
