I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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