We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
