hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
