a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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