Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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