So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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