My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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