Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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