If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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