My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
