i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
