And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
