i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
