the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
