I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
