Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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