Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
