sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
