It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
