Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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