just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
