I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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