brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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