btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
