Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My dick has a subreddit
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
