Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
