maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
