I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It was confusing and full of hummus
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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