Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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