I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
