come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
