ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
