What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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