I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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