oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
