dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
