my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
