if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
