Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
