so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
