I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
