thus making me awesome and them whores
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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