If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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