dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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