the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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