if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
