You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize