the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is my gift to your gina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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