So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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