You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
