one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
