Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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