Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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