Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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