These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
