hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
