Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
