Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
