Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
