Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
