ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
