community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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