Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
