I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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