So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
