It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
