I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
