If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize