Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
