If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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