In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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