Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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