he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
