Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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