take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
