Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
