My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize