like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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