Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
