I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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