Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
