We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
