My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
