I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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