8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
only you would photoshop your dick
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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