fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
