Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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